Tag Archives: Twitter

#Howto #Write #a #Viral #Blog #Post

I’ve been blogging for almost a month now and this post will be my 16th I believe, so I’d say I’m pretty much an expert. Now it’s time for me to pass the buck as they say, and impart my infinite wisdom on to the little folks out there. (That doesn’t sound condescending at all does it? Oh good. I don’t want it to sound condescending.) So here are seven things you might need to know to make your blog posts sound important and look really snazzy:

1.) You need to pick  a topic. I know this sounds like boring work or school stuff, but trust me. Preferably pick something that is currently popular and trending. Don’t know what’s trending? No worries. That’s what we have Twitter for. And that magic little # doo-hickey you keep seeing everywhere is there for a reason: it lets us know the stuff we are supposed to care about. So let’s head on over to Twitter and see what we can write about. Ok. Here’s our topic: #inappropriatefuneralsongs. Awesome!

2.) Don’t worry if you don’t know anything at all about the topic at hand. And I mean ANYthing at all. Trust me. You don’t even have to discuss the topic in your post! That’s the beauty of it. Just randomly insert the trend word or phrase a few times,  #inappropriatefuneralsongs sprinkle in some other words arranged in a reasonably coherent fashion, then break them up into, oh I’d say about 3 or 4 paragraphs (Whoa! easy there partner, don’t make them too big, you don’t want to scare away your readership with all those intimidating blocks of text!)

3.) Use lots of biggish sounding words. Your word processor’s thesaurus thingy will help you with that. Again, trust me here, this is no boondoggle! #inappropriatefuneralsongs This technique works to mask the fact that you have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. Most people won’t bother to look them up and will therefore mistake you for being smart, making them all the more likely to share your post to their friends, hence making them appear brainy by proxy. Besides, all that variegated vernacular will make you seem quite sagacious .

4.) #Hashtag. #Hashtag. #Hashtag. Use them in your title. #For #Every #Single #Word. Honestly, you have no idea which words in your title will be trending #inappropriatefuneralsongs by the time you publish, so it’s good to cover your bases, thereby increasing the likelihood you’ll strike the jackpot.

5.) Next, and this is perhaps the most vital aspect, find a SUPER COOL image to go along with your post. Kittens are always a good choice.  Recently Stumble Upon a bunch of cute kittens swarming over an apathetic gorilla? Oh you are sooo golden!

6.) Tag your post with just about every possible thing you can think of. #Every #Possible #Thing. I can’t stress this enough. Seriously, you simply can NOT have too many tags on your post! Get the encyclopedia out if you have trouble with this one.

7.) Wait before you publish! Now that your post is all finished, check your topic/trend word one more time. It’s not too late to change it because what was trending three minutes ago when you started this epic quest might not be trending any longer. Swap out those #trendwords as fast as you can and then click the publish button.

With any luck you’ve just published a super cool and trendy blog post that will go epidemically viral in seconds flat and launch you into #World #Wide #Web #Super #Stardom.

Well that’s it for me. I’m bored now. Besides, blogging isn’t nearly as cool as it was when I started writing this. I think I’ll go see what’s happening on Google+.

Keeping Up with the Social Media

It’s Friday. I’m up early with the baby. After a bottle, she plays happily in her playpen. With fresh coffee, I sit down at the computer. It’s quiet, peaceful. Just some low music, and the distant rhythms of the Sprout channel. A perfect time to do some writing. Let’s just check the email/Twitter/Facebook/blog while the caffeine takes effect…

Oh look! Someone mentioned me on Twitter. Better send a TY mention back. Oh and a RT from someone too? Lovely! I’ll just thank them and… Oh gosh! That’s right! It’s #FF (#FollowFriday) day today! How could I have forgot? I don’t want to appear to be a loser, so I’d better send out some proper #FF’s of my own.

Ya know, it’s been awhile since I combed through profiles for cool new folks to follow. Just a few minutes of that and, my my this is an interesting blog post. I really should respond to this, it seems to be quite an important topic. Hey that reminds me, I wrote a new post for my own blog last night, but I still have yet to edit it. Let me do that right quick before I publish. Oh, before I do that, I’d better go to Google and search for a nice image to go with that blog post. Done and done!

Now just a quick peek back to Twitter and Facebook to make sure my blog’s feed is working… hmmm Twitter’s is fine but the feed to Facebook isn’t working correctly for my Author Page. I’ll have to post it manually for now and, Holy Moly! Look at all these new notifications! Gardens of Time… people need what for their what? Why did I start playing this game again? Ok. Let me just return the favors and, oh look at the time, baby needs her cereal and a nap already! And I’ve got to feed and walk the dog…

Speaking of, I’m pretty hungry myself. Ok, a quick bite and then it’s back to…checking my Site Stats on WordPress… and Ha! I just had the funniest thought that would make an awesome Tweet! Back to Twitter to share this awesomeness… Hahaha! Mentions, mentions, hashtags, blog, you tube, tweet, stumble, stumble, post, respond, RT, RT, update status, reply…

Wasn’t there something else I was going to do? Oh. Write.

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